Approach and Open

What is opening? Opening is the term used for when you approach a girl for the first time and begin conversation. It’s the first thing you say to a girl. It is the thing each one of you is sweating over every time you see a girl you are attracted to. You stand there with your buddies, trying to come up with the perfect thing to say, and you never go over and talk to her. It's the reason someone else talks to her all night. It's why she is going home with someone else and not you.

Opening is probably the one thing people stress over the most and it’s the least important part of the pick up. If you think of the pick up in stages, like we are laying it out for you in the book, opening has its place. It's exactly what we described in the last paragraph, when you first approach a girl and begin conversation; the first thing you say. That's it. In the chapters on body language we mentioned that body language accounts for roughly ninety percent of the message you are sending, while what you actually say only accounts for ten percent. Guys, she doesn't give a shit what you are saying.

We want you to think of your opener as the eye contact you make with her. With her eyes she is saying, "I am interested and I am available, get your ass over here!" By holding her gaze you are saying the same. Go over there and be direct. Introduce yourself and have a genuine conversation.

Don’t waste any time either. Some people will make eye contact with a girl then do nothing. Remember, not just eye contact but eye contact that is held just a little longer than normal. Guys will make eye contact with a girl, maybe get a little smile, and then they will wait fifteen minutes before going over and talking to her. Maybe they just wait five minutes. The point is, that is too long. I used to do this. When I first started interacting with girls my body language was very good. I was confident so I had no problem with eye contact, but just like most of you, this was where my game went to shit. Once I got the opener over with I was fine. I could carry on a conversation all night. See my problem was I thought I had to say something spectacular when I approached a woman or she wouldn't be interested. I thought there were some magic words I could say, and if I waited a few minutes and thought of them, I would be able to come up with something good. I didn't realize that she was already interested. That is what she was telling me with her body language, with her eye contact. Don't make the same mistake. As soon as that body language takes place, as soon as she tells you with her eyes, “I’m interested,” take a deep breath, and go talk to her.

Going off my example above, I would stand there with my buddies for a few minutes asking them, "What should I say? Come on think of something, anything." I would continue exchanging glances with her. Finally, I would realize I wasn't going to think of anything good to say and I would go over to her and say, “Hi my name is...” I want to go back for a second and touch on exchanging glances. That might seem like a good thing to some of you, but it’s not. Some may think, you continued to vibe so to speak, kept up good body language, and were building sexual chemistry. Well, not really. After the initial, “I'm interested” look and smile you both share, it is time to approach. When you lock eyes again and again, she is questioning, "Wait, are you interested, when are you going to come over here?" She begins to think, “This guy is not very confident at all,” and she begins losing interest. All that intrigue and sexual mystique you worked so hard to develop with your body language is now gone. Just because you continue to make eye contact doesn't mean it’s working in your favor, but it’s not the end of you either. My point is don't waste time. It’s best to be direct and approach her as soon as you know she is interested. How will you know? Her eyes will tell you, and it's the same look with every girl, every time.

The Magic Script

So I have got my initial "I'm interested" look, I approached the girl, and I have introduced myself. Now over time and many trials and different approaches, I have come up with a magic script. If that is what you are truly looking for, I have found the best approach you can use. Pay attention because this next sentence may be the best piece of advice we give you in this entire book. It is definately the most important thing in this chapter. When you approach a girl, the best thing you can say is, “Hi! My name is…” I know, it sounds so simple. It can’t possibly work right? She is so hot, and you have to stand out to get her right? Bullshit! You do stand out, and she is already attracted to you and interested in you. That is what she told you with her body language and her eye contact. Guys have been brainwashed into thinking that pick up lines work, that guys are making great impressions on women with the first thing they say. That part is true, but the first thing they say isn't with their mouth, it’s with their body language. If you see a guy walk up to a girl and pull some bullshit line out, and it works. It’s because of something else he did right, with his body language. He was displaying confidence and sexual attractiveness. He already had her interest.

If you are still having trouble coming to grips with the concept that you don't need a good opening line to impress a girl, let’s try a different approach. When you go out, you take a shower, put on some nice clothes, spend a little time trying to look nice, meet up with the guys, and head out. It usually takes what, we'll say on average thirty to forty five minutes to get ready. If this doesn’t sound like you, it needs to be. When I'm going out, I get cleaned up, pick something out to wear that is going to look nice but that is also going to make me stand out. I want the attention on me when I walk into a social setting. You need that mentality, if you want to get better at attracting and picking up women, you need the attention on you. I groom myself, primp myself, whatever you want to call it (yes, guys can and should look there best too). Then I put on some kind of accessory; a watch, some kind of bracelet, maybe a ring, necklace, or sports coat, just one more way to make me stand out. This takes maybe thirty to forty five minutes total. When Nick and I go out, whether by ourselves or with others in our group, we go out to find girls. If you don't agree with that, you are full of shit. When we go out we are looking for some kind of female connection. Whether it be female companionship, someone to talk to all night rather than the guys, someone to flirt with, someone to date, a potential girlfriend, or someone to go home with and have sex with, we are looking for girls!

When women go out, they are doing the same damn thing. They may tell you they are out with the girls but that's bullshit. It’s a barrier or a wall they put up. It’s a way for them to go home feeling good about themselves if something good doesn't happen to them tonight. By good, I mean getting a good feeling from a guy. You spent thirty minutes to an hour getting ready. The average girl will spend well over an hour getting ready, sometimes two. She didn't spend all that time getting ready to go out with the girls. She did it because she wants to look good for the guys. When a woman goes out she wants one thing. She wants to feel good about herself. That happens in a couple of ways, both tied to you. The first thing she is looking for, by spending all this time getting ready, is she wants a guy to make her feel good about herself and make a connection. How do you do that? She sees a guy she is interested in, and he talks to her. There are probably a hundred different reasons for why this makes her day or why it makes her feel like this, but it all ends with her talking to a guy she is interested in. The second thing she wants is directly tied to the first. She already feels great because she is connecting with a man, but she is also getting respect from her friends. In her subconscious mind, she gets the guy and her friends are thinking, “What is it about her that is attracting this guy? What does she have that we don’t’?" Women are weird in this way. They are always in competition with other females. By you talking to her, she is perceived as the most attractive female in the group by her friends. A woman will never admit this and it's quite possible she isn't even aware of it. But talking to a guy does make her feel good about herself for many reasons on many levels.

Essentially both men and women are out for the same reason. You are both out because you want an interaction with the opposite sex. If that is the case, then when you approach a woman, she knows what you want and you know what she wants. Why would you use some cheesy pick up line in an attempt to fall into a natural conversation or interaction with her? You just end up looking like a jackass. She already knows you want to interact with her. It's not natural to walk up and talk to a stranger, so don't try and make it seem that way. You don't need to impress her with a line. You already have. Your body language is what made her interested in you. She is impressed. Her eye contact is why you approached her. You don't need to manufacture something from nothing, because there is already something there. If she knows what you want, and you know what she wants, then she will be sending you yes signals with her eyes saying, "I’m interested, come over." You will respond by sending yes signals back saying you are also interested. Doesn't it make more sense to just go over and introduce yourself and have genuine fluid conversation?

The concept of an opener is so overrated. The reason people have such a dependency on openers, or think there is a magic script that always works, is because they don’t know how to have a real conversation. They don’t know how to carry on a playful conversation that will continue to build sexual chemistry off of the initial body language that attracted the girl to them in the first place. They don't know how to flirt. That is why body language is so important; ninety percent body language; ten percent what you say. I know it sounds like we are beating a dead horse but that is the difference between being the guy she wants, and watching her walk out the door with someone else. We have already touched on some things you can do in the form of playful touching and body language once you are engaged in the conversation to continue to build sexual chemistry.

It's easy to fall into this idea that there is such a thing as a great opening line. There are things that work sometimes, but like we said earlier it's probably something else that you have been doing with your body language, not the line, that has her interest. I'm sure you have seen something on TV, the internet, or maybe in a magazine or in a crappy book, that made you think, "openers are essential.” There was a show on MTV that had "players", they called them, which would coach guys through a date in order to try and get a second date. Most of the "players" would try to get the normal guys to use cheesy pick up lines to build sexual chemistry. To a guy that already has trouble with girls, pick up lines look like something that would work, but that’s definitely not the case. On the internet you can find several openers that work from time to time. Again, it probably wasn’t the line, but something else the guy was doing that made the line work in that particular instance. I'm sure that in some books, some of those guys that are "so good with girls" will tell you some fail proof things to say. However, coming out of your mouth that same line would sound absolutely ridiculous. The point of all of this is that if you are like any of these people I have described, if you do what I used to do, you need to change your approach. You need to realize that relying on an opener is a crutch. A direct approach is much more likely to turn out with the result you want. Remember, she is already interested in you because of your confident body language, and she has already told you that with her eye contact. You have already won her over.

There is no doubt in my mind those lines consistently worked for the so called "players”, in the TV show I mentioned. However, when the normal guys being coached used those lines, they sounded stupid. Those types of lines, the type of banter or flirting the “players” used will never work for the "coached" guys, because it is not consistent with their personality. When you are talking to women you have to be yourself. You have to be genuine. Those lines worked for the "players" because that was their personality; that is who they are. If you are going to open with an approach other than direct, use something that is within your personality that sounds like something you would actually think of or say. If you are shy, quiet, and very polite, don't say some smart ass remark or a “hey baby” comment. A girl will see right through that. Now, my nature is somewhat cocky, in a confident non asshole manner. I like to joke around with girls in this way. My one hundred percent of the time opener is the eye contact. My usual approach is direct. I introduce myself and play off that. If I do not approach in that way it’s because by some chance reason, something happened to make us meet. Maybe she spilled her drink on me and I said some smartass remark, normally the first thing that popped into my head, and our interaction began that way. Other than that, I always go direct. Nick's approach is somewhat different than mine, as it should be since with have two totatly different personalities. He's more reservered but again he sticks with a direct approach. He see's a girl he likes and he goes for her, introducing himself in a direct manner. No lines, just, "Hi I'm Nick this is Taylor, how are you doing tonight?" From there he will go into more of a role playing routine as to why we are out tonight, celebrating some kind of made up event.

The key point in approaching a woman is to be yourself. If you are yourself, a woman will find whatever you say cute and charming. Even if you say something dumb, she will find it cute because you were vulnerable in that moment. She saw the real you. If you say something that goes against your personality, she will see through you and you will look like a clown. Direct should be your main weapon of approach.

Approach Examples

Every once in a while we will go out and try different things just to see what will happen. Here are a few things we've tried that have worked for us in the past.

Bachelorette Parties
We were in Nashville for the weekend and from the start of the night we saw that there were a lot of bachelorette parties. We decided we were only going to open bachelorette parties all night. Every bachelorette party is the same, the bride always wears a sash and she has given a list of things to accomplish over the course of the night. We used this knowlede against them and we opened every set of girls the same way and had a lot of success. When we were near a group of them we yelled, "Wooo, someone's getting married! What do you got left on that list?" From there it’s easy. The girls all huddle around you and start telling you what you can do on their list. Of course you should look at what options are left and choose the best one, hopefully something to do with kissing or touching in some manner. Giving the bride a lap dance is also a fun experience and the girls will put their hands all over you. At that point you should be displaying great confidence and you are in. You have put yourself in the center of that group of girls and the conversation should flow easily from there. The girls are already having a good time and they will see to it that the fun continues. You have to do very little work on your part.

The Designated Driver
There was a period of time that Nick and I stopped drinking. We would go out and always get badgered as to why we weren't drinking, so we developed a routine for it. We would be chatting up a group of girls and they would always say, "Why aren't you guys drinking?" We would say something like, "I just don't feel like it tonight." One particular night a girl kept coming at me with this, “Why aren't you drinking crap.” It came to the point where she was telling me she would get me a drink and force it down my throat. I went right into role playing with her. I said, "You know, I went to college, I know what you’re doing." She kind of looked at me with this puzzled look and I said, "You’re trying to get me drunk and take advantage of me." She laughed and then she said, “Maybe” with a smile on her face. This is the kind of thing that really works well. You know you are vibing now, she is allowing herself to fit into this role you have made for her, now you just play it out. I said, "In that case I’ll take two, why don't we get some shots to move things along." We kind of stayed in that role play for a bit longer taking flirtatious jabs at each other. This is a prime example of role playing and vibing with a girl. Use this approach if you want to get a girl to buy you a drink or two, or five, and easily start a flirtatious interaction.

Cute Girl on the Street
Here is something that we will do when we see a hot girl on the street, just walking by. I never like to let a cute girl pass without saying something to them.

If I see a cute girl on the street I will go up to her and say, "Excuse me." I start like I’m going to ask her if she could suggest a good place to eat. So I will say, "Excuse me, can you tell me…" and then I will interrupt myself and say, "Wow, you're really cute," and pause for a second. Then I kind of make a face or a gesture like I can't believe I just said that and then say, "Do you know of any good places to eat, we're not from here and we've been walking around forever and can't find anything that looks good." I am being direct. I think this girl is cute and I tell her that. I just sort of sugar coat it with the do you know where to eat line. I'm not really lying because it’s true. We do travel all the time and we like to eat. So I use that as a way to sort of back door the direct approach. I am bypassing the awkwardness and at the same time directly letting her know I am interested. Usually I don't even get to asking about where to eat till the end of the conversation if at all. We usually start bullshitting and flirting and getting to know each other right there. It is important to note that as soon as she shows interest, introduces herself, says thank you, anything, you abort the where to eat line and get into banter and flirting.

The Cute Waitress
Like we mentioned above we don't like lines, but here is one that we have used a couple times and it usually works pretty well. We will use this when we don't have a lot of time but at the same time don't want to let an opportunity pass.

If you are in a restaurant or a bar, any place like that, you think the waitress or hostess is cute, try this, "Do you have a pen and something I can write on?" She will find something for you. Hand her back the pen and paper and say, "Write your name and number on there, I want to take you out for ice cream," or anything goofy like that. This may seem over the top but it does work.

The Wing-Mom
We were out getting some household things. We had just moved into a new place, so we went to Wal-Mart, Home Depot, Lowe's, and our last stop was Target. We had decided when we left that we were going to open every attractive girl we saw. That was our goal for the night. We didn't care what the outcome was we just wanted to open as many girls as possible. We left the house around six at night and we saw nothing. I mean hardly any girls, and the ones that were out just were not attractive at all. So we got to our last stop which was Target. We were there for about half of an hour, and I had basically given up on this mission. I wasn't even thinking about it any more. We were walking toward the checkout counter and just before we got there, we caught a glimpse of this gorgeous girl. We circled back through one of the isles to do a little re-con work. We saw she was with her mom. We pussy footed around and followed them to the register. The girl took off toward the door and Nick was like, "Chase her out the door and open her, you know it's going to make her day." So I was like, "You’re right, fuck it." As I started to chase her I saw she was going to the bathroom. We paid for our things and as we walked out her mom was outside waiting for her. Nick starts in, "Dude, talk to her mom that’s your in, go through her mom." I replied with, "What the hell am I going to say to her mom?" Finally I just decide to wing it, because I know if I didn’t I would be kicking myself once we got in the car and for the rest of the night. So I turn around, we were about ten feet past the mom at this point, and I say, "Excuse me, I just wanted to tell you your daughter is beautiful." Mom is looking at me with this stunned look on her face, doesn't say a word. So I pause for a second to let that sink in and I ask if she has a boyfriend. Mom says, “Yes,” so I reply, "Oh. Well, you can tell her I said that. I just knew I'd be kicking myself for the rest of the night if I didn't say something." And that was that. As we walked back to the car I looked in their direction and her mom was talking to her. The girl was looking in our direction with a smile on her face, so I knew that even though the end result wasn’t what I had hoped for, I did manage to make the girl feel good about herself.

On the way home we were talking about this opener and we really thought it could be good. We have both tried this many times since. Any time a cute girl is with her mom, wait a couple seconds until the daughter is nowhere to be found or you see her walk off. Now go after mom. This works all the time. The best time this worked for me, I had asked the mom about the boyfriend, and mom said she did not have one, so I ask how old she is. Mom says, “twenty-three.” Then I start chatting up mom almost in the same way I would any woman I was interested in. I asked, “Are you from here?” Off that I started talking about where I was from. We talked about why we both lived here, and then the cute girl came back. This is where it really got good. The cute girl walked up and I could tell from the look on her face she was thinking something like, "What’s going on here, this is kind of weird." Before either one of them could say anything, I introduced myself to her, "Hi I'm Taylor." She told me her name was Sarah, still not quite knowing what was going on. Before either one of them could say anything, I came right out with, "Yeah, I was walking by and your mom grabbed me and said I just had to meet her daughter, that I'd be perfect for you." Both of them kind of looked at each other, daughter a little embarrassed, mom a little stunned. Then I kind of laughed and said, "No, I’m just playing. I just wanted to tell you I think you are really cute." At this point, mom is laughing, and it was a really nice segue into casual conversation. I chatted the girl up for a few minutes, told her I was supposed to be somewhere about ten minutes ago but that I'd really like to get to know her, and she gave me her number.

All these gimmicks and routines are nice when they work out, but really you should just be direct and genuine. We included the stories because they show just how easy it is to be direct, have a genuine approach and conversation, and have success. However, in most cases you have to approach to get into a routine like this.

If you want to get better with women you have to change you mindset. You have to change your attitude towards openers and you need to change your approach. Start working on that. If you really have an anxiety over the initial approach work on getting over that. The best way to do that is go out and open every girl you see. It will be awkward and you will get rejected, but you will also get over your problem with approaching and you will eventually get a number. That is going to be what makes you better with women.