Push and Pull

I was dating this one girl. She was very playful but she always gave me conflicting signals. I thought it was kind of fun because I liked to play around with her and play the reciprocation game. She would give me a yes signal, so I would give her a yes signal. When she would give me a no signal, I would give her a no signal right back. It was kind of funny because we would meet at the bar, we weren't dating, we were more like fuck buddies, and so of course when I got there she would come up and give me a hug. We would get a drink and sit down, and she would be really flirty. After a few minutes, and kisses, we would go our separate ways and do our own thing. Then the games would begin. If she was off doing something, where if she was my girlfriend I wouldn't like, I would give her a couple of no signals. I would start flirting with another girl or go talk to some friends that were girls. It was really funny how she would respond. Any time I would do something like that, she would be right back over to me. Whenever I wanted her to come back over to me and sit with me or kiss me a little, I would just start talking to another girl or get a little flirty with someone that had happened to sit down. I would give some no signals, and she would come over to get my attention back on her. If I was talking to another girl that had sat down near me, she would come over and put her arm around me or make it a point to touch me in some way, again giving me yes signals so I would reciprocate.

In the previous chapter we talked about specific body language signals to look for. It is very important that when you receive any body language signal from a woman you respond in the correct manner. If she gives you one of the yes signals we described, you need to give her some sort of signal reciprocating that body language, reciprocating interest. By the same token, if she sends you a no signal indicating lost interest, you need to reciprocate that message as well. If she has lost interest you need to give her the correct body language to get her attention back on you.

Let’s take a look at some of the yes body language signals we have discussed.

Yes Signals From Across The Room

We have already talked a great deal about eye contact so we're not going to get into it too much here. Eye contact is however the most common body language signals you will get from across the room. Like we said before, this is the first indication you will receive that a woman is interested in you. Again, once you make eye contact with a woman, hold her gaze for a few seconds. She sent you a yes signal by holding eye contact. You reciprocate by also holding eye contact. Now get your ass over there and talk to her.

Facial Expressions
The most common thing that happens while you are making eye contact with a woman is that she will smile. This is the second yes signal you have now received. When she smiles at you, you reassure her that you too are interested and have picked up on these signals she is sending, and smile back.

She might also part or lick her lips. She is trying to draw attention to her mouth. This is a sexual yes signal. You need to send some signal back to her to show her your interest. In this case don't try and part or lick your lips. You will only end up looking like a jackass. Just smile back, and head over to her. Something I like to do in this instance is I will look back at her with extreme interest and attraction. I do this by slightly squinting my eyes while holding eye contact. At the same time I will give her a little smile with my lips slightly parted, then take a drink of my beer. I do all of this while holding eye contact. Then I approach. I basically did the same thing she did to draw attention to my lips, but I took a drink to drive home the point.

You might notice her laughing with friends but glancing in your direction. She uses laughter much in the same way she uses a smile. In this case do the same thing. Have a good time with your friends while showing her attention. When you make eye contact with her but are smiling and joking with you friends, you are showing her a couple things. You are showing her you are fun and interesting, and that people like to be around you. You are also sending her a yes signal that, while you are having a good time with your friends, you are thinking about and interested in her.

Body Positioning / Touching Herself
Along with eye contact and a smile she may tilt her head. This is just another yes signal she is sending you. Now if a woman has held eye contact, smiled, and tilted her head all within that initial gaze she has sent you three yes signals in a matter of seconds. There is no need to stand there like a dick. Approach her. She is interested.

A woman will toss her hair, throw it behind her head, and reveal her neck to you. She might be doing this to draw attention to her beauty. She may be fixing her hair to appear more desirable. These are all yes signals. Again you want to reciprocate this yes signal. You can't really toss your hair back at her, but you need to do something. In this case I might smile and approach the woman. You can also do something like, adjust your collar or you might run your hand throuh your hair down to the back of your head. You would then be doing the same as her, making yourself more desirable. If she exposes her neck to you this is a yes signal in a sexual manner. Remember, all these signals are being sent subconsciously to you. She isn't aware why she is doing these things or even that she is doing them at all. If she exposes her neck, its time to pounce. Smile, and approach her.

Yes Signals After the Approach / Initial Conversation

Many of the yes signals a woman sends from across the room she will also send once engaged in conversation with you as wekk.

Eye Contact
A woman who is interested in you will continue to keep good eye contact throughout the interaction. It's important that you keep good eye contact as well. As long as she is showing this interest in you, you need to reciprocate. She shows interest, you show interest.

Facial Expressions
A woman will continue to smile and laugh at you throughout your interaction. Again, this is done to show an increasing interest in you. This is her way of building sexual chemistry with you. If she is smiling at you, smile at her. If she makes a joke, laugh a little. As long as she is showing you interest, you need to do the same. One thing you don't want to do and need to be careful of, is showing too much interest. If you are overly eager to win her affection she will be turned off. An easy way to do this is just to show the same attention to her as she is showing to you, reciprocate.

Body Position / Touching Herself
Again, playing with her hair and exposing her neck are yes signals. She will continue to do this if she is interested. Continue doing what you are doing and be comforted by the fact that it's working.

Pay attention to the way a woman positions herself when talking with you. If you are standing side by side talking and she turns slightly toward you to talk, turn slightly toward her. In turning towards you, her body language is saying she is comfortable being closer to you and she is opening herself up to you. By turning toward her, you show you are accepting her in your space, and you are comfortable in her space. You are reciprocating her body language. When seated, a woman will cross her legs toward you to show increased interest. If this is done you should know things are going in your favor and she is interested. A lot of times when a woman crosses her legs in my direction, I will turn myself and find a way to make contact with her. An example would be: She crosses her legs toward me, so I will turn in towards her a little and position my legs in a way that one of them is touching her leg.

Accidental Contact
If a woman's attraction toward you is growing, she will find a way to touch you. One common way she does this is to touch your forearm or thigh when talking to you or laughing at something you say. Like we talked about earlier, if she is breaking the touch barrier you want to touch her back. The more she touches you and you touch her, the more comfortable she will be with you touching her later. If she is talking and touches me on the forearm, I will respond and touch her right above the elbow on the back of the arm. If she touches me on the thigh, I will touch her in the same place, or on her hand resting on her thigh. If she is laughing at something I said and touches me, I will touch her in the same way just described, and continue with what I was saying. If it's loud and I need to lean toward her so she can hear me, I will place my hand in the small of her back while responding. It really doesn't matter how you reciprocate the touch, it just needs to be done in a natural non-threatening manner.

Yes Signals Touch Barrier Broken / Extended Conversation

Eye Contact
By now you should know where you stand with a woman. If she is interested in you, you will know it. You should already have her number, and maybe you have even kissed her. Now is the time when you should be continuing to build sexual chemistry. She should still be making good eye contact with you and you the same. Now you want to look for the "fuck me eyes." "Fuck me eyes" are characterized by intensely held eye contact, in most cases a glossed over look from being drunk, parted lips, biting of the lips, a lot of touching, and when you look in her eyes it really looks like she is saying, "I want to have sex right now, take me home!" If you are looking to score its time to go. If not, just make sure you have her number and you're good. Do the things you have been doing all night and continue to build sexual chemistry.

Facial Expression
Just as with eye contact, you will be getting the same smile you have been getting all night. As long as she is still smiling and laughing at your stupid jokes, she is interested. At this point she may start to bite her lip while slightly smiling at you. A lot of the time this means she wants to kiss you, but not always. It could mean she is thinking about kissing you, but not quite ready. It could mean she finds your lips irresistible and kissable. Regardless of what she is thinking, she wants your attention on her lips and she is thinking about yours. If it were me, and I had been talking to this girl for a while and was receiving and sending the yes signals we have been talking about, when she looked me in the eyes and bit her lip, I would kiss her.

Body Position / Touching Herself
Once you have been talking with a woman for a while and some sexual chemistry has been created, her body language will become more sexual in nature. A woman may open her legs toward you to indicate interest. What she is saying is I am open and inviting you. You should take this as a sexual advance. If you want to advance things she just gave you the ok. Ask her, "Do you want to move over there where we can talk," "Do you want to go someplace more quiet," "Do you want to go back to my place." All of these questions will move the interaction to a more intimate place.

She may start to push her chest out towards you or position herself in a way to create more cleavage. Again, remember that all these things are being done subconsciously. If she is putting her tits out there on display for you, she is giving you a yes signal. She is saying I am interested in you and becoming increasingly attracted to you. I want you to be attracted to me so look here. If she does that reciprocate. Continue to show interest in her. You might adjust your collar, smooth out your shirt, pull your shoulders back and slightly stick out your chest.

Just as when she turned to you to indicate interest early on in the conversation she will now become even more drawn in. If you are standing, now instead of turning toward you, she might face you, put her hand on your shoulder and get really close when talking to you. If she does this, do the same. The touch barrier has clearly been broken and it's important that you keep moving forward. The more touching you do now, the more touching you will do later. If you are seated, now not only is she crossing her legs toward you, but she probably is very close to you with her legs touching or intertwined within yours. This is good. The more touching the better. I said before that if she crosses her legs toward me early on, I like to turn towards her and position myself so our legs are touching. After we have been in conversation for a bit and touch barrier has been broken I like to position myself in such a way her legs are between mine, or one of my legs is between both hers. This encourages more touching and in a sense wraps us up. It creates an environment where it is very easy for her to touch me and be comfortable being close to me. It also reciprocates her body language toward me.

Accidental Contact
Accidental contact becomes touching on purpose. Once you have broken the touch barrier and she becomes more comfortable touching you and being touched by you, an accidental graze becomes a prolonged touch. Where as before she might touch your arm while laughing at a joke, now she might put her hand on yours while it’s resting on your thigh. Her interest is now turning to attraction and she wants to take things further. It is still important to show her you share her attraction and reciprocate. The thing with touching is when she touches you, touch her back in the same manner. As the touches become more frequent and intimate, you can touch her in a more intimate way. I recently went out with a girl who seemed to know every guy at the bar. Her and I were sitting at the same table trying to talk but it seemed like different guys just kept showing up. Every once in a while she would grab my hand and give it a little squeeze as almost to say, "I’m not trying to ignore you, he is just a friend, I really like you." When she did that I would reciprocate with a squeeze of the hand back or maybe I would lightly squeeze her thigh. I was saying, "It's alright, I understand, I know you are into me, we will get our time alone later." I was speaking to her subconscious and I was continuing to build sexual chemistry.

A woman uses yes signals to show interest. Just like you want to know a woman is interested in you, she wants to know you are somewhat interested in her. So what happens when a woman is sending you no signals? In some cases if a woman is not interested you should just move on. However, sometimes when a woman is showing disinterest, there are signals you can send to re-engage her. Here are some examples of common body language signals a woman will send to show disinterest and how you should respond.

No Signals From Across the Room

Eye Contact
What are you looking for in eye contact with a woman? You are looking for an invitation to approach her. That is a yes signal. Well, there are two ways in which a woman can show that she is not interested in you through eye contact. The simplest way, is just to have poor eye contact with you. If she is not looking in your direction or you can't seem to lock eyes with her, she is probably not interested in you. In this case you should probably move on. Remember, if you walked in with the confident swagger we discussed in previous chapters, then this shouldn't be a problem. If you came in like your normal shy self, then yeah, you are going to have a hard time finding anyone that will hold eye contact with you because you are just not interesting.

Another way she will show disinterest is by looking away when you do make eye contact. This signal can be tricky to read because she could just be shy. A shy woman will often look away when a man she is interested in makes eye contact with her. The key here is to be aware of what else she is doing; what else is her body language telling you. If she looks away and then looks back at you, she is interested just shy, approach her. If she smiles when she looks away, she is interested. Wait for another look, smile back, and approach her. If she keeps looking in your direction, she is probably into you. Approach her. If she makes eye contact with you, looks away, and pays no more attention to you, it is time to move on because you have no chance. Something about your body language has told this girl that there is nothing interesting about you and you are not worth getting to know. If she keeps looking away, and it looks like she is thinking, "This creepy guy keeps starring at me," chances are that is exactly what she is thinking. Regroup and move on. The good thing about interacting with girls is if you mess up with one, you always have a chance with the next. The only reason you won’t catch a gaze and a smile, thus inviting you to approach, is poor body language on your part.

Body Positioning / Touching Herself
Like we said before a woman who is interested in you will be facing you. She has to be facing you to make eye contact and smile at you; the yes signals you are looking for. Facing towards you also signals that she is open to you. She is open to the idea of getting to know you. She is open to the idea of you approaching her. Obviously if she has her back to you, she can't and won’t do those things. The most common thing an uninterested woman will do as it pertains to her body position, is make eye contact with you, look you up and down, and turn away. Once she does this you are done, move on. This is a major no signal. Everything about her body language is saying no to you. She is making it impossible to make eye contact with her, and closing herself off to you. Again, you should probably just move on to the next girl.

No Signals After the Approach / Initial Conversation

This is where it can get tricky. Once you are interacting with the girl, the no signals you get are not as cut and dry. When you get a no signal you can react in certain ways to turn a no signal into a yes signal.

Eye Contact
If she starts giving you poor eye contact, it means her interest is wandering. She is still talking to you but she is probably looking around to see what else is currently available. If this is the case you need to do something to re-engage her in the conversation. You need to get her interest back on you. You can do this in a variety of ways. It’s still early on in the conversation so say something random. Ask her a really creative question so when she responds you can get her in a role play situation. We will discuss role play in later chapters. You can use one of the gimmicks we provided at the end of the book. The point is it doesn't matter what you do, but that you do something to regain her interest in you.

Facial Expression
Facial expression is the same as eye contact. If she is interested she will be looking at you and smiling, doing the things we have already talked about. If her interest is wandering, she won’t be paying much attention, thus making it impossible to give any kind of facial expression to you. Just like with eye contact all you need to do is something to re-engage her in the interaction.

Body Positioning / Touching Herself
A woman that is interested opens herself to you with her body language. A woman that is not, will turn away from you. If a woman turns her back on you, that's not good. You may be out of luck if that’s the case. Pay attention to her feet, arms, head, hands, and legs as well. If they are pointed away from you it probably means she wants to get away from you.

Now, if we are sitting there talking and she crosses her legs away from me, she is giving me a no signal. When this, or something similar happens, I will turn my legs or hips away from her. I am reciprocating her body language. Her body language says, "I'm not really feeling you any more," or maybe I said something that put her off. If I respond by saying with my body language, "I see you’re not interested in me but that's ok with me," she will usually respond in a favorable way. If you give the impression that you are not interested, a woman will forget all about the no signal she just sent you and start sending yes signals your way. She wants you to be interested and it kills her if she thinks you are no longer interested in her. It's like she is thinking, "This guy was just totally into me and now he is not. What did I do to turn him off?" She will re-engage herself in the interaction because she wants to leave the interaction feeling good about herself. She feels good about herself by knowing you are interested in her. Remember in previous chapters when we talk about women seeking approval. Same concept here, she doesn't want to leave an interaction thinking you are not interested, she wants to leave the interaction thinking you want her.

Accidental Contact
If she isn't interested, there just won’t be any. We want women to break the touch barrier. There are many things we can do to position ourselves in a way to make it impossible for a woman not to touch us. But essentially, we want her to touch us first showing she is comfortable with us touching her. If she isn't touching you then you need to work on building sexual chemistry so she feels comfortable touching you. Lack of touching doesn't mean she is not interested. It just means you haven't built enough chemistry for her to want to.

No Signals Touch Barrier Broken / Extended Conversation

If you are in an extended interaction with a woman then there is really no way she will up and not be interested in you. If you are interesting enough for her to talk to for the last hour then she is interested in you and you have more than likely succeeded in building some type ofsexual chemistry. The only thing you can do now to mess it up, is say or do something that pisses her off. In this case she will do one of two things. She will get pissed and walk away, in which case you can let her go or chase her down and beg, or she will stay but give you one of the no signals we have talked about. This is a good thing because she is using her body language to tell you she didn't like something you just did, but that she still likes you and isn't going anywhere, giving you another chance to make it up to her.

If it is the latter, play the reciprocation game we have been talking about. If she gives a no signal, give her a no signal of the same manner. Example: she turns her hips slightly away from you and crosses her legs away from you. You do the same, while maybe reengaging in some kind of conversation. She knows she isn't walking away from you she just wants to play a little game with you. She wants you to come after her, so to speak, and when you don't, she will come back to you. That's a metaphor for the mental game she is trying to play, not that she is going to get up and walk away and come back. Remember, she has been talking and laughing with you, having a good time with you for over an hour. She likes you and she isn't going anywhere.

Conflicting Comments
Just as we have talked about dominating an interaction with your body language, you can do the same with what you say. With body language you become aware of the subconscious signals she sends, and react in a way that will give you a favorable result. With body language you match or mirror her body language. With conversation you do just the opposite. You say conflicting things.

The easiest way to explain this would be, you respond to something a woman said with the word yes while shaking your head no. That sounds goofy and you probably wouldn't actually do that, but that is the concept. Here is something I do quite often:

Many times I have been talking with a girl and she will say something like, "My ass looks fat in these jeans, or I don't like the way this shirt makes my boob's look," anything about her body as it relates to her appearance. So let’s say she says something about her ass, I will lean back and check out her ass for a second, and say, "It looks pretty good to me," or if I'm feeling cocky I'll say, "You’re right it does." She will look at you with disbelief. Give her that sly grin and say, "I'm just kidding, it looks good to me." You are doing a couple things here. You are complimenting them for one, but doing it in a way that shows them that you are confident, you are the Alpha Male. I look at their ass and I don't care if that makes them a little uncomfortable or makes me seem a bit overbearing because I'm building sexual chemistry. In the case of the second approach you are giving them conflicting verbal cues, showing even more confidence and building even more sexual chemistry.

When you rag on a woman, or make fun of them a little, you are using cocky smart ass jokes to build sexual chemistry. That can be very powerful. You don't want to be a dick, but you do want to make fun of them a little bit when it's appropriate. It's appropriate when they give you an opening. You want to do this because it is how you build sexual chemistry with the words you say. Just like when you were in first grade, and you were mean to girls you had a crush on, the same theory applies at this age. There is a fine line between poking fun and being a dick. You want to walk it but don't cross it. If you cross it you are just like every other asshole. If you can walk it you have developed a great tool for interacting with women. We will touch on different ways to do this in later chapters.

Over the past few chapters we have given you a lot of different body language signals to look for, and how to respond to them. The important thing to remember is that all these things are done subconsciously. These signals being sent between men and women in a social setting are all done without their awareness. We have made you aware of this and you should be able to use this to your advantage.